Ahah! I searched the bogosphere for what seemed like an eternity (around 2.57 seconds) and finally I discovered that Mr David's emails were hacked by an anonymous group of zionist salamanders in 1898. Most of the leaked emails were order confirmations for pallets of Tennents Super but buried in the dross was this little gem:

Heil ,
As you know I am always looking for ways in which you can enhance the sense of authority in your speeches. I have discovered that the sheeple give great credit to anyone who sounds like they know what they are on about. Doctors and their ilk use clever words like, colonoscopy, palpitation and antioxidant when attempting to sell their snake oil to the masses. This befuddles the sheeple's mind so much that they just assume the doc knows his shit. Even though most doctors learn their 'trade' in around 2.57 minutes by smoking Salvia Divinorum in a bath.

I note that you touch on areas of science and mathematics in your speeches (which is like, well cool) in an attempt to mimic the tactics of the doctors and lawmen. Therefore may i highly recommend that you slip in this word whenever you can? The word is 'expidential'. Yes mein David, it really is a posh word. I didn't make it up, honest. You know me well enuff by now to know I wouldn't do that to you. After all if you did start using made up words, the sheeple would just think you're an ignorant twat who wants the world to think he is clever. And we can't have that.
The word expidential can be strategically dropped in any oration and the result will be that the sheeple assume that you know your spades from your shovels. They will then be inclined to buy more books. Brilliant eh!!

I do have other not made up words that you could use if you like. Hit me back if you're interested. Together we could sell the moon to the Clangers


All the best, your loving advocate,

I then decided to see if anyone had hacked 's mails. I discovered that concurrent to the salamander's efforts, a group of anarco keyboard warriors had indeed breached the defences of the anoraked one's firewall....


Heil stormfrront,
I have managed to get the email to the twat icke. Hopefully he will fall for it and take the bait. If I can gain his confidence it's my intention to get him to make me overlord of his web domain. This will then enable me to let you great folks pepper bomb his site with propaganda. No doubt some of the untermensch and mods will complain at the content of your posts but fret ye not. I will make sure they get shown the door asap. I have invented this little button called 'voluntarily inactive' you see. Don't worry about the details, it will be fine. Trust me.

Yours,

Hey, Daisy can block you while having you still show as being being an active member. "We seeked a solution", is a prime example of this dullard's masterful command of the English language.

Still, my brother-in-law's one who says 'Pacific' when he means 'specific' too, and once berated his wife for under-cooking a chicken, accusing her of trying to give us all a dose of semolina. We complained that we vehemently dislike semolina and requested salmonella instead.

Him & his Mrs are forever using the wrong words - 'donate' instead of 'denote'; 'perjury' instead of 'Purgatory'; 'profuse' when they mean 'profane'. It's rare we understand a solitary sentence they utter.

His mum (& th'usband's, being as how they're brothers) used to feed us 'kweesh'.

I like it. It makes me feel smart.

Gilly wrote:
Mother Abs asked me what 'dolphinese' potatoes were the other day.