Come to think of it, I once nearly came to blows with a director, because his brother, the co-director, was completely out of his head in his office on - God only knows what - and I confiscated his car keys & ordered him a taxi. I mean he was literally face down on his desk in a puddle of drool, twitching & laughing & had no idea who he was, but his brother was roaring & threatening me with physical violence, insisting I had to return his key, because he'd seen him drive in 'far worse states'.

Didn't give them him back though.

I'd like to see those two silly buggers try to inflict drugs tests on anybody!

straight to bed with no supper for those two

Gilly wrote:
Thats precisely the sort of character who would rather the attention be diverted on everyone else Gilly.

Yes, that's probably true enough.

Gilly wrote:
Stupid twat seemingly doesn't even know how drug services work.

So let's get this straight - drug services (that are subject to cuts like everyone else (and are under increased pressure now their funding is no longer ringfenced) are going to be inundated with people who do a few lines at the weekend and expected to 'help' them stop something they don't actually have a problem with?!? Drug interventions only work if somebody perceives they have a problem and wishes to address it - drug workers can't wave a magic fucking wand and hypnotise people into not enjoying a bit of sniff or some pills of a weekend. Unless it's part of one of those criminal justice initiatives, drug services generally won't work with people who don't want the service - because it's totally fucking pointless. I guess what they want is a bunch of people pretending to play ball to get out of trouble and wasting everyone's time in the process - at taxpayer's expense which is usually the sort of thing the Daily Fail is concerned about.

On top of that, a lot of legal highs aren't even detectable by standard drug tests - and they're the big growth market atm. Not to mention heroin and cocaine are out your system in a couple of days but cannabis lingers for ages - up to eight weeks for heavy users IIRC.

Who the fuck even cares if somebody has done a few pills on Friday night?

This deranged plod bastard is clearly psychotic and should be placed in a psychiatric institution. And given lots of mind altering drugs to sort him out. I recommend force feeding him with large doses of LSD.

All a bit fascist innit?

dogsmilk wrote:
^That.

They can't even keep up with it all anymore, because as quickly as one chemical compound is outlawed, along comes an 'analogue' of it....that's just a slight molecular tweak that takes it outside the legal definition of what it was.

I'm pretty sure work is one of the reasons many people take drugs in the first place. Graft all week, then a hard & fast release at the weekend.
So I reckon removing work would be a better option.

K-Bone wrote:
Collect some dog piss and use that. Tell them you were bitten by a big hound on the moors and express concern you since keep waking up naked in the wolf pen at the zoo after every full moon, but your GP has told you it's just anxiety and given you Prozac.

Space Bandit wrote:
Can you piss test for shit jobs?

dogsmilk wrote:
Is this based on experience?

dogsmilk wrote:
I reckon that's the way it will go.

batou wrote:
Ahhhh....okay, I could have sworn I had seen that before but maybe not; the image doesn't ring a bell. Of course, if I did see it, it would've been when I was a teen- most likely really high and possibly hitting nitrous...

oioioi wrote:
I think so.

It could have been the drugs talking though.

how about give workers free drugs, especially with shit jobs that do with being livened up.

do the drug testers get drug tested? who tests them?
there must be 1 guy at the very top of the pyramid who everyone trusts. but what if he takes drugs?

LesleyPumpshaft wrote:
You could argue that already happens - up and down the country management types sit pumped full of free caffeine (and biscuits) talking shite. And though it's not free, I do sometimes wonder how much the functioning of the media and stock exchange is reliant on cocaine.

Anyhoo, your post reminds me of this classic sketch.

diamondgeezer wrote:
Yeah - drug policy already made no sense and the ascent of legal highs has made it make even less sense - so you can be prosecuted for the heinous crime of purchasing MDMA to engage in the social menace of really enjoying music and telling your mates how awesome they are, but at the time time you can legally purchase something like 5-APB that does pretty much the same thing. So then they ban a new compound and, like you say, someone re-arranges a few molecules and away you go again. In the meantime something like Mephedrone sees use escalate after it's banned with the added extra of being even more dodgy and cut to fuck with god knows what than it was when it was legal - which heightens the risks it's claimed the laws are protecting you from.

The drug laws increase the risk presented by drugs by making users have no idea what they're actually taking and criminalise people whose only crime is sitting around talking shite at 4 o'clock in the morning.

I was going to put this in the 'have a laugh' section, but it seems appropriate for this thread. It's seriously good.

dogsmilk wrote:
Class!