Absolute total and utter shameless bump


purely for the dubby to play

a ghost attacked them on the way, and oioioi was very scared. he filled his pants front and back. it started to rain very hard and sketty got all wet and chilly. suddenly an earthquake made the ghost fall over and they ran away from it after kicking it hard in the nuts.
as if by magic ab appeared at teh entrance to the house.
welcome my pretties, he said, twirling his moustache.

The awful realisation dawned on the two heroes, that the earthquake had probably down to HAARP manipulation. Their adversaries, it seemed, had access to more powerful weapons than the spite, hypocrisy and an over-active ban-hamer!

As the ghoulish, twisted form of Abs hovered toward them, racked with depraved laughter and dribbling slightly from a number of orifices, one of them felt a thrill of terror, whilst the other experienced a terrible thrill...

... Psketti let loose with a verbal burst, "Shit, fuck, Abs tache sucks", giving vent to the pressure she felt through her Tourettes.

Fortunately for Oioioi, the rain helped to clear the tell-tale stains of his loss of control of his bowels ... as well as the smell that such a loss of control had generated.

Abs said, "Ahhh, sorry 'bout the scare there." He looked sheepishly at Psketti and Oioioi. "I know what it's like to lose control Oioioi. I've been constantly twisting my mustache to wring it dry from the mucus that is constantly dribbling from my nose. No control over it ... at all." Abs declared.

"So what was that stupid laughter all about?" Psketti asked.

"Oh, that," said Abs, "Well, I thought that it was hilarious how you nutted that ghost and when I started laughing the mucus ran back the other way and I almost choked on it."

"Okay, enough," stated Psketti, obviously revolted by the mental images accompanying Abs' explanation. "let's get in the house and dry out," she stated, "And no dribbling on the carpet or furniture Abs ... there's no telling how long that would take to clean up."

"Yeah," Oioioi said, "We gotta go over this plan of yours Sketti.", whilst casually munching on another plum.

"Are you trying to replace what you just lost?" asked Abs of Oioioi as they headed into the house.

Psketti rolled her eyes and wondered why ... why me?

The answer to her question would soon become apparent ...

because outside pulled up a big truck and out jumped god. "hey sketty you are the chosen one" he said in a loud voice. then he drove home into the sky. sketty knew nobody would believe her so she kicked abs and oioioi into the basement and locked the door. they screamed and cried like little girls. "im the chosen one" she said through the door.
"we dont believe you" they replied, between tears.
sure enough, the basement began to fill with salty water. a fin appeared on teh horizon and circled abs. the shark bit him on the nose just as sketty opened the door and began to shoot at the fish.
"just in the nick of time!" said oi
"Time to die!" said sketty and shot all the sharks.
"Sleep with the fishes" she said as she killed the last one then they all sat around and laughed.
"We believe you now" said abs.
"I know." said sketty, and winked knowingly. "Come on, i forgot what we were doing."

I really do love you all ya know

As you where....

psketti wrote:
I take it that Mr Mee didn't do spelling then?

So back to the story..........

By the time oi and abs had finished with their bathing, preening , bitching, and deciding what to wear that evening, Psketti had gotten shiters, and decided to maybe eat both of them, slowly, while they were still alive. Unfortunately Abs couldn't make dinner and stayed in his room all night (something about a clash of colours). So it was just oi and psketts, alone for din-dins.

Sketts went for a slash, but as she crouched over the bucket, the cottage was plunged into sudden and total darkness.

oi thought "here's my chance, finally, to get it on with sketty" so he whipped his jeans and under-crackers off, Sketts walked back into the room, at the same as the power came back on...

For the next two hours oi kept asking Sketty why she was giggling so much...as she tried to explain her cunning plan to him.

jhado wrote:
I was rather worse for wear by this point so bite me

oioioi wrote:
They're getting worse eh

I'm naked from the waist down and eating plums!

After the continual questioning of her giggling by Oioioi, Psketti was the worse for wear, so she said to Oioioi, "Bite me."

Of course, Oioioi though this a novel idea and promptly asked, "Where exactly am I allowed to bite you oh messianic one?"

To which Psketti bust out with, "Shit, fuck, tits", her Tourettes getting the best of her.

Oioioi said, "Well, the third option sounds interesting.", while taking a noisy bite of the last plum that he had left.

Psketti sank her head down into her hands and groaned.

"Um, maybe I took you to literally," said Oioioi on seeing Psketti's reaction. "Come to think of it, maybe we should leave the biting for another time all together."

"Maybe never at all sounds a lot better," Stated Psketti. "Anyhoo, the evil despot, who would do any­thing for a vin­daloo, requires dealing with, and I have just the plan to put into action. Now listen very carefully, I shall say this only once ..."

oioioi wrote:


... this threads great though

Said psketti in a french accent that monsieur mangetout would be proud of.
Just then andyh walked in and said "Ive analysed the spy camera you found in the sauna and the strange thing is it's a standard issue government camera used by special branch!"
psketti and oioioi stood in shock at the news andyh had just told them....

Right at that moment, Psketti's phone rang. Psketti, Oioioi and Andyh shared a look that spoke volumes.

Spketti, walked over to the phone and picked it up, "Hello," she spoke into the phone.

"Psketti," said Dianmondgeezer, "turn on the television, BBC2, and check it out."

"It's Diamongeezer," Psketti said to Oioioi and Andyh. "He said to turn on BBC2."

Oioioi grabbed the remote control and turned on the television, changing the channel to the BBC2. The three of them stood in amazement at what they were seeing ...

It was novum, on Top Gear, he infiltrated the test track while the stig was about to do a fast lap in the new Bugatti, he kicked the stig in the nuts which dropped him to the tarmac as he was about to get in the car, and stole the bugatti, driving it right out the gates and to Spiro's shipping yard so they could ship it to Dubai and sell it to an oil tycoon who would appreciate the discount over new price. But before they could do that, novum had to remove the GPS tracking system, which he did. Then he thought about what the best thing to do with the tracker was, so he planted it in Sods basement, and the police went and raided Sod, hauling his ass to prison, hence fixing the spam problem in Blastchat...!!!

You see, novum wanted to raise some money for...