Marriage should be about social recognition of status.
There is no social recognition of the 'specialness' of it anymore..for want of a better word.

Marriage is actually discouraged financially because tax breaks etc are no longer present and employers are not encouraged to support it by paying more for married workers or treating them any better with time off for family commitment etc.

The whole supporting social structure that used to exist is now almost extinct. A 'couple' no matter their age,gender,race etc are treated exactly the same as a married couple and given the same 'rights' (in other words no rights whatsoever) there is nothing special or unique about the partnership and therefore nothing special or unique about the products of the partnership, such as children, in the end you are all individuals who are treated exactly the same not only by the state but by each other through your social conditioning by the media and the state and the business environment.

By embracing 'equality' you have all embraced the right to be treated like shit equally.

What we all really wanted from 'equality' was to all be treated WELL not ignored. Of course that didn't happen, this whole idea of equality can only ever happen without any of the present control paradigm being present. Equality under authoritarianism is a joke, believed only by the most brainwashed of individuals.

I would simply say this...be careful what you wish for

Thats not to say either don't push for change or go all KOTG and wish the world back in to the dark ages, there's more to this than the dumb duality argumentum ad infinitum DIF stylee.

What puts me off getting married is firstly, the fact that nobody has actually seriously wanted to marry me and I'm now 35, so who needs marriage.

Secondly, it has mostly become a horrible money-grabby affair and nothing more than a huge narcissism fest. It's just me me me. The last wedding I went to, the bride and groom had about 3 sets of photographers and someone with a video camera. I can understand that a couple would want photos of their special day, but this, having to leave them a video message and then having a special website so guests can log on and look at the pictures is just....

Then there is the present list, requests for money etc. I think people should get what they're given and be bloody grateful. Also, since when did being a guest at someone's wedding mean having to fork out for hen nights abroad, staying at some posh hotel for the actual wedding, or even having to go abroad. I've no time for such frivolity and self indulgence.

LesleyPumpshaft wrote:
I only had 1 photographer who took videos too, he then disappeared to australia and was never heard from again.
So I have no wedding pics bar the odd 1 or two badly done snaps ffs...

I think like anything else marriage will work for some and not for others,and like a poster mentioned it has been referred to as being part of the backbone of a society.

In the situations I mentioned, the people changed, and didn't seem as free of nature and happy,and had more of a serious air about them, like the state of legal marriage to each other somehow imprisoned them to each other,they may become more relaxed and less serious who knows,but it was something that I observed,and wondered why the increased serious attitude and less of a fun and carefree nature about them after they tied the knot.

andyh wrote:
What a shit. That's harsh Andy.

If I was going to get married it wouldn't be a traditional church thing. I'd rather something like an ancient ritual involving blood or some shit Something intimate and relevant to me and my woman. Nature would have to feature pretty heavily. I'll get married in some deep dark woods somewhere to the village witch

irrepressible wrote:
I never realised you were into all that scatting stuff!

Oh crap! haha! It does sound like that!

(I'm not into scat, or steamrolling, or anything poo related)

It's ok mate, as long as it doesn't involve children, animals or scat, she'd probably like it.

irrepressible wrote:
*Rushes off to investigate 'steamrolling'*

You won't like it Ab it's very unsavoury stuff

You might appreciate handfasting then Irre.

www.weddingpath.co.uk/paths/uk?SMI=24&CP.../handfasting/Article

I had no photographers at my wedding, because I don't like having my photo taken, & neither does Howard (husband). I just got the guests to let me have their negatives so I could print some off if I wanted, and they were happy to do that.

Well that beats the shit out of a church Gilly, pardon my french

LesleyPumpshaft wrote:
Also no honeymoon and we just booked the back of a pub for a few family and friends and that was it basically.
We did get a couple pressies but nothing major, a toaster, some plates , the usual stuff.

I do like weddings in general otherwise though...always a good excuse for a piss up LOL!

You did it like me, Andy - low key. And I have to say, people still speak about how much they enjoyed it. I organised it all, as Howard was working in Norway, and I was up in the north east, away from my family.

The whole lot cost £700 - £800, and it was good fun.After the wedding lunch out, everyone came back to our house for a buffet & much booze and we acted the goat & danced till the early hours of the morning. Lots of people just crashed out for the night.

One of my nieces was married a couple of years ago, and her mum saved all her wages for at least 5 years to foot the bill of approx £50k. It was beautiful, in a fairy-tale castle in Harrogate, with a string quartet throughout the meal. Everything looked gorgeous, but it was freezing cold, and the food was rubbish. Then everyone had to fork out for hotel accommodation for the night. I'm not slating them for doing it - each to his own - BUT to me, it was a mammoth waste of money, which could have been put into the young couple's mortgage if the parents were determined to spend it.

I get the feeling that some people (not everyone) don't really think marriage through beyond the lavish, wedding celebrations.

You're right Gilly I bet they had a lovely day, but the money could have been put to a more practical use. I blame Walt Disney for filling little girl's heads with fairytale wedding nonsense.

So Rick, we've all stated our case...which one of us is gonna be the lucky one you pop the question to?

Gilly wrote:
I couldn't agree more Gilly.
I'd be sickened at that kind of expense.
50k could be put to a hell of a lot better use than that, mortgage as you say or perhaps a business for her husband, christ there's shitloads you could do with that much.

oioioi wrote:
I would really like to find a person,who companionship and tolerance and mutual interests take on more importance than the gathering of debt,possessions, and ulcers of the rat race.

And this situation may not be possible to find,unless I journey south to find a peaceful Vieja with a kind soul and a temperate disposition were the Carlos Castaneda's of this world roamed

Rick, when you say things like that, it makes me wonder whether you realise that normal, adult living often entails the gathering of debt.

You could call having a mortgage a good way of gathering astronomical debt, but equally, such a thing can be looked on as acquiring stability - a place to lay roots for yourself and a family.

You could call taking out a car loan a gathering of debt, whereas, to many, it's a necessary requirement, just to be able to get to work to earn a living.

I wish you luck finding what you think will make you happy though.