The last two couples I know who got married turned serious almost overnight,fight twice as much,and moan and complain about money every time you see them,both sets of these married couples now seem miserable and chained mentally by some type of invisible strain and a sense of misery around them.

Before they got married were role models of fun, and great to be around,hell now I have a better attitude than them,that's not good.

So what is so wonderful about being married?

nada...was married once, best friends before we got married...havent spoke in 5 years since the divorce. there is nothing good about that piece of paper that rips friends/partners apart by tying them together.

StarsChildren wrote:
And then when they get divorced it seems like your forced to choose a side.

Rick wrote:
sometimes, yeah... if your not married for that long you basically have your friends and the ex's friends, you didnt really get time to make friends together... but when you got mutual friends it can be hard

Very true, I know several couples who have split-up, and one of them always seem's to just disappear.

I suppose I'll be finding out who my real friends are soon enough.

Rick wrote:
Bah, thats got nothing to do with marriage.
Most people have money worries so they're obviously going to argue about it, that just comes with being together long enough and especially after you have kids.

The problems not with marriage is it?

Back up, slap yourself and have another coffee :p

I'm a bit of an old-fashioned idealist and I believe in the instituition of marriage and the family and all that. I've been married for 8 years now. I don't want to come across as smug, though - there but for the grace of God go I, and every one of us. I don't want to take my OH or my marriage for granted! No marriage is perfect and they all go through ups and downs, and sometimes, sadly, they end in divorce but I still believe it it! To me, it's the ultimate commitment. In my 20s I did live with someone "over the brush" for a while, but I never felt very secure.

Mandy

quietgirl wrote:
To intelligent people marriage is far more than a piece of paper.
it is the very bedrock that society is built upon, which is the family unit.
Destroy the family unit and you destroy society, you will break its back and make everyone separate from each other.

Pretty much precisely what the elite want tbh...

Yeah I've been married 15 years and yep I argue with the missus all the time...its usually about bloody money (nearly always fecking money) or its about time.

As a parent you make some serious sacrifices, so its not surprising its going to be difficult.
The traditional family model of bloke bringing home the bacon and the wife looking after the nest is very rare now.
Now both parents are expected to work and both parents to get into debt up to the bloody eyeballs as well as put up with the nosey inteference of both the media and the state with their stupid projections of what the family should be.

Perhaps the piece of paper and the act of marriage just reminds people of the commitment, it makes no difference to me, even if I didn't get married I'd still be in the same boat so long as I had kids and stayed with my other half.
The married mans tax allowance got thrown in the bin ages ago, so its pretty obvious whats been going on imho.

Its as simple as this, if you have kids then you're going to argue about money. The marriage is irrelevant.

I've been married once before, it was pretty much downhill from the wedding day, but that was more to do with the ex's jealous nature increasing 3-fold for no reason.

I'm doing it again next summer, we already 'row' about money, already have 2 kids, already have commitments to each other. I'd happily do a 'non-legal' ceremony or a 'blood brothers' type pact, as it is mrs oioioi(to be) wants the little Greek church on the little Greek island so I'm just as happy to go along with that. Our reason(s)? I suppose it's the icing on the cake, a chance for both sets of friends and families to get together and so mrs oioioi(to be) can have the same surname as the rest of us (our daughters have my name).

Oh yeah, and love!

@ andyh - Yep, I agree with all you say - "family" is the cornerstone of society. I've come to see TPTB's attacks on it (and on other important instituitions) over the years as part of a plan of destabilisation.

@ oioioi - Congratulations! Wishing you every happiness for the future! From a girly POV, a wedding on a pretty Greek island sounds heavenly!

Mandy

quietgirl wrote:
Not just any Greek island church, the Mama Mia church (means nowt to me tbh, I'm neither a huge fan of musicals, Abba or rom-coms) but girls seem to go "Awwww wow" at the fact.

oioioi wrote:
lulz

If marriage is an institution, does getting married mean that your are getting institutionalised ?

What is the benefit of being institutionalised ... excuse me, married ... that isn't already available to two individuals that are simply living together ?

Does being married somehow make either of you a 'better' individual ?

Does being married make your relationship 'better' ?

Or is marriage simply the excuse used to make a claim of ownership (MY wife, MY husband) of the other individual that you are in a relationship with that is validated by the religious and state institutions with a piece of paper (claim of ownership) ?

I AM ALL I AM wrote:
2 questions:

1)Pagan and other non-legally binding marriages?
2)Did she say no?

Love or because she's minted.

Marriage suits some and not others. I've tried it once and it didn't fit but that doesn't mean I wouldn't get married again. First time I was too young and had no idea about what a close personal relationship entailed. Turns out that getting tanked up together and shagging wasn't the be all end all of a relationship. Crikey, we had to talk and find common ground and work towards an emotional commitment. That wasn't in the manual.

oioioi wrote:
G'day Oioioi.

1. Then it isn't institutioalised. The other questions still stand.

2. Never asked anyone and will not be asking anyone in the future.

To my mind, marriage is something sacred and personal between two people who want to be closer. It should have little to do with ceremonies or pieces of paper, imo.

This is where we've made our mistake, far as I can see. What does something like this have to do with a church or a government? Why are they even involved? Big mistake.

As for the erosion of such an arrangement undermining the very fabric of society...how, exactly? We all did very well at some point in our collective history without the involvement of state in our personal affairs to such a degree. And look, we're all still here!

From a very personal pov, my parents were married for exactly the same reasons as many seem to do it these days. Invariably, they were the wrong reasons, as I spent the first sixteen years of my life watching them tear chunks out of each other and dodge punches. Admittedly, it's a complex issue, but I can't help feeling that the whole thing could have been resolved much easier had the pair of them not felt that they had to live up to someone elses expectations or 'societal' norms.

I know many adults who have had wonderful childhoods with happy, stable and reliable parent role-models who never had anything to do with the sanctity of marriage. But maybe I've just been brainwashed.

Ab Origine wrote:
I don't see a successful (or unsuccessful) marriage/relationship being down to the fact the 2 people were married or not, if marriage (or the lack of) is the sole reason to trigger the breakdown of the relationship then I can't help but feel that too is an overall good thing rather than living in a relationship that hasn't tested all areas for strengths and weaknesses.

I agree, but it's everything that comes with it, imo. You have to act this way or do that etc. That's what appeared to be happening with my folks, anyway. Why else would they have stayed together for so long when they were seemingly both so utterly miserable?

As I said, I don't have an issue with 'marriage'. But make of it what you will, between you. Don't do it just because it's expected.

It's my 21st (I think) wedding anniversary this month. We lived together for 2.5 yrs before we wed.

I've said this before, and I'll say it again. Marriage is wonderful. It's also infuriating. But mainly, it's boring. I do hope this has been of some assistance.

*Edit* In our case, it had nothing to do with religion btw. We married in a registry office, as neither of us was christened.